Higher and Higher
by CatrienStardust
Summary: Eclare; A series of one-shots inspired by my favorite songs. Can be read separately or as a whole. Mostly fluff.
1. little secrets

**So I gave in. I've wanted to do one of these for forrreeverr, but it was this song that made me –need- to write. So here you go. A rather… adult start. But not too much. We're keeping it T here. Reviews are lovely, as is your face. You beautiful thing you. ;D**

**Chapter One; Passion Pit – Little Secrets**

_.-.-.-.-.-.-._

It was when his lips found the spot, yes, _that _spot, the one behind her ear, where the pulse hammered and the skin flushed, that he realized just how screwed he was.

She fit snugly into his arms, and he liked her there more then he liked her parched in the front seat of his car or behind him in English class. Sure, she looked great in both of those places, but he couldn't exactly kiss her senseless or feel the goosebumps from his touch on her arms in English class, right? As for the car… It just wasn't as comfortable.

Meanwhile, Clare's heart was pounding as he breathed over her collarbones, tracing an intricate design with those long pale fingers at the back of her neck. She was trying hard, really hard, to form coherent thoughts, to make sense of this situation and why she was here, in the alley behind the Dot, back pressed against the dirty concrete wall, with him –_him_- pressed against her, his lips assaulting her neck, lips, face, and slowly making their way downwards.

In the haze that filled her head, induced by lack of oxygen and over-stimulation, she realized where this was going, why the last few weeks had been so charged around him, why the almost-attempts and brushes of skin on skin had made her spine prickle, made her- _Oh._

His hands were grazing against her stomach now, the buttons towards the bottom giving away to his access. Stars spun before her eyes, and her breathing elevated even more as his lips brushed her in a feverish graze.

His eyes met hers, and she felt and saw that those dark green orbs, glistening with lust and excitement and smugness and something deeper perfectly mirrored hers. She raised her hands to the buttons, helping him, and it was then when she thought of God.

Suddenly though, that didn't matter when his fingers were grazing there and there, and…

What He doesn't know won't hurt him, she supposes, and gives in to euphoria.

_Let these be our little secrets_

_No one needs to know we're feeling_

_Higher and higher and higher_

_Higher and higher and higher._


	2. the great divide

**So, I really, really, REALLY don't like this. I'm getting over writer's block. Bear with me.**

**Suggested Rating: T. (For subject matter)**

**Song: The Great Divide – Emmy Rossum.**

.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"What's going on?"

God I wish I hadn't asked; hadn't seen.

I wish his car hadn't been there, parked in the back of the park, and I wish my parents hadn't been screaming then, so I could sneak out to the park. I wish I hadn't noticed and ran up, all sunshine and butterflies, to open the passenger door of his car.

I wish it wasn't _him_.

He's sitting there in the front seat, all to calm, shock racing through my body, adrenaline pumping. My vision spots black and I wonder briefly if I'm going to pass out. I didn't just see... Right?

_Eli._

His face is red, hiding the evidence.

I did.

I can't... My mind can't process this. This _isn't_ happening.

This can't be real, can't be Eli, can't be the suave, sarcastic brunette I've grown to love.

My hands go out, shaking, and pull his arms away from his sides. Shockingly, he doesn't resist. For once, I'm in control, he lets me move them, let's it scar my mind, let's it sink it.

He lets me see.

There's older lines, I can tell, they're puffy and light pink, further up. Deeper down his pale skin, close to the dark shadow of his veins, there are cuts. They're deep, dark red. Raised. Bitter. I think they're fresh, because I can still see the smudge of blood from where he abruptly stopped, seconds before I arrived.

I can feel tears welling up, and my hand shakes, moving towards his wrist. He doesn't pull away, just stands, terse, waiting for my reaction. Suddenly the world is too much and I collapse on the seat

I whisper his name.

"Eli."

Suddenly his arms are around me, holding me as I cry. My heart is torn up and it's unreal, why he's tearing his skin up, hurting himself, hurting me. What's his demon? What's his baggage? What's his deal? Aren't I enough to soothe him? I'd do anything.

It's twisted, reversed. He's holding me. ME. When he's the one who's probably leaking blood onto my shirt.

I pull away.

"How long?"

He doesn't answer, just frowns. For once, there's no smirk.

"Clare." It's the first words he's spoken since I walked in on him. I pull away further, and I regret it; there's pain in his eyes. "Please. Don't pull away. I..." There's a pause. "need you."

I know he does. He needs me. And I need him, need to know how I can make it better, make him smile.

I move closer to him, and I let him recline his chair, pulling me into his lap with those warm, scarred arms.

In the darkness, we lay together. My hands run over his upper arms, feeling the indentations I missed before, and his hands smooth through my hair, tugging on bits here and there, swirling the pieces over his long fingers.

I'm still hurt. I'm still torn. His flesh is still scarred, and there's still a razor in his back left pocket. We're still broken, but we're broken together.

Maybe tomorrow we can talk to Mrs. Suave. Maybe tomorrow he'll stop. Maybe it'll be perfect.

Probably not, but as I fall asleep nestled next to him, his breathing lulling me into a trance, those tainted arms keeping me warm.

Maybe it doesn't matter so much.

He needs me. So I'm here.

_Help me calm this hurricane._

_Before this moment slips away._

_Are you listening?_

_Are you listening?_

_Are you listening?_

_Don't look away, hear me say;_

_I need you now._


	3. eet

Once upon a time there was a misfit; a lousy, worthless, idiotic life-dropout who dressed in all black and drove a hearse and blasted music, if only for a distraction.

There was nothing looking up for him, no one looking out for him. He was continually scarred by the words of others- his father, his classmates, and mostly, his own mind.

His outlook on life was dull, to say the least. He wasn't depressed, wasn't willing to off himself or "end it all," but he knew he didn't have a future. Guys like him just didn't.

Then, he met her.

She was a hidden princess with blue eyes and spiced hair. She was intelligent, witty, and spellbinding.

She was Clare.

Once upon there was a boy who didn't care, who hated life and everything in it.

Then he met his princess.

Suddenly he didn't remember that boy from before anymore.

_You spent half of your life trying to fall behind  
You're using your headphones to drown out your mind  
It was so easy, and the words so sweet  
You can't remember, you try to move your feet._

**Writer's block, bear with me ya'll. I need some Eclare episodes. ;-; Hopefully they'll be on tonight, with ADAM3 Even if there's no flirting, I'll still get inspiration, hah.**


	4. call your name

**Author's Note: **Imona be working on these more. I'm unhappy with this. Just saying.

**Song: **Call Your Name – Daughtry

**-X-**

Time passes, doesn't it?

Everything can be broken and torn around you, but time will still continue on, leaving you standing and looking like a fool as the wreckage is cleaned from around where you stand, frozen.

It'd been days. Days since he'd seen those blue eyes.

Tasted those pink lips.

Heard that sweet voice.

_Days are torture, aren't they?_ His heart stung.

She was ignoring him. He knew that he'd hurt her- perhaps permanently- but he felt she was still being immature. Clare hadn't even made an attempt to contact him, instead just left things hanging. The lack of closure was like waking up from a nightmare- he couldn't shake the feeling off. It was _wrong._

The words were left floating aimlessly through the air between them.

Words like knives.

Knives dug deep, stabbed.

He wanted to turn those knives around and aim them back at her, aim them to pierce and break through the walls she'd put up around herself.

_Just talk to me, Clare._

Goddamn, why were they both so stubborn? He, in his desire to have the upper-hand and to be right, her, in her desire to prove to the world who she was and wasn't and what she believed in. They were both high and mighty people, and that's what was killing them now.

He sat at his computer, fists clenched, teeth gritted, eyes shut tight.

He wondered if she were breaking down, upset, sad.

Tentatively, his fingers hovered over the keys.

_TrueClare__ hope you are enjoying your break. it's been a long time since we've spoken._

Eli Goldsworthy caved, reached out, called her name.

He'd done what he could; it was her choice to answer.

**-X-**

_And when you fall apart am I the reason for your endless sorrow?  
There's so much to be said  
And with a broken heart your walls can only go down but so low  
Can you hear me when I call your name?  
When I call your name_


	5. spin

**Author's Note: **YES, I'M STILL ARADIEA, I JUST CHANGED MY NAME ON FF.I'm not usually down about my work, but yes, this time I know that this isn't very good writing. I'm tired, but I just needed to post something or I'd die. Leave a review if it tickles your fancy. (:

**Song: **Spin – Lifehouse (Which, incidentally, is my ultimate favorite love song of all time. I can't get tired of it. One day it will be my song with someone. Swear.)

**-X-**

"What are you thinking about?"

She asks, adjusting in his arms so she can see his face more clearly. There's a faint blush spread across her cheekbones, a permanent stain that seems to appear around him. With a mischievous glint, Eli moves forward and kisses the center of that stain, feeling her warm, soft skin beneath his lips.

She giggles, a sound that both pleases and excites him.

"Seriously, Eli. What's on your mind?"

She's like that, ever curious, ever unrelenting and persistent. When Clare's determined, she doesn't back down, and, despite it all, he admires that about her.

What _was_ on his mind?

It was hard to tell, nowadays. Things changed and moved so quickly that it made Eli's head spin. His world was a whirlwind of his past, present, and future, combining together.

Clare shifted in his arms.

In his arms... Clare...

Pursuing a relationship with her was stupid. He was her opposite- Dark, Gothic, Mysterious... He'd probably mess it up, make the wrong move and break her heart.

_(Sometimes he swore he said these things to convince himself, because he knew it wasn't tru_e.)

Then again, what did he have to lose? He was the new kid, unknowing, unattached. She was stability and beauty and everything that drove him insane. Just the thought of her curving, gentle body in his arms, moving against him...

Then, realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Clare Edwards was his. As typically-male possessive as that sounded, it was true. He couldn't say he loved her, he cared for her, he worshiped her, but it wasn't love, not yet. No, but Clare was _his_, not his girlfriend or his lover but his teammate, a comrade of sorts. She was there for him, in all her blue-eyed wonder, and he knew that a kiss or a gentle embrace would always be offered when needed.

Emrald eyes widened as he realized that somewhere, deep down, he never wanted to end things with her. He'd be perfectly content with lying here, in the back of his hearse while the rain tapped ahead, so long as _she_ was in his arms.

"Eli?" Her voice was laced with worry and concern now.

With a short chuckle, he pulled her tighter and placed his lips against her temple. Speaking into her skin, he murmured.

"Nothing, Clare. Just thinking that I wouldn't change a thing."

Because he was Eli and she was Clare, he didn't have to elaborate further. Oddly enough, she understood, at least to a certain extent.

Her blue eyes followed a raindrop as it trailed down the window, and she smiled, thinking that there had never been a time less needy of a wish or a prayer.

"Me too."

**-X-**

_When the world keeps spinning round  
My world's upside down  
And I wouldn't change a thing  
I've got nothing else to lose  
I lost it all when I found you  
And I wouldn't change a thing  
No, you and I wouldn't change a thing_


	6. as fast as i can

**For those who don't know: HAPPY ECLARE DAY. It was started on Twitter that TODAY, October 14, 2010, is THE official Eclare day. So, in honor, I'm doing my humble Eclare-ing duties and writing lotso fluff. Expect one-shots later. ;D**

**As for the song- It's likely you've never heard GBS, they're my parent's favorite band. I HIGHLY suggest hearing this song, it fits so well with the entire concept of this piece.**

**(It's also worth nothing that Rhythm Of Love by the Plain White T's helped to write this as well.)**

**Sorry if the ending was abrupt. I just wanted this to be written.**

**Song: **_ As Fast As I Can – Great Big Sea_

He wouldn't admit it, but he loved how she looked right then, sprawled across Morty's seats, half in his lap. He loved seeing her chest rise, the way goose bumps rose when his lips pressed against hers, and he loved the way her cinnamon hair was complimented perfectly by the color of his beloved hearse's upholstery.

He loved the slight mews she made when they kissed, and the way she looked afterwards, with her hair disheveled and her breathing hitched in an entirely suggestive manner.

Just seeing her there reminded Eli that he was a lucky bastard- that after all they'd been through, she still fit into his life in the smallest of ways. Who else could look so perfect in sweat pants and a tank top, in his _car_?

Clare had just gotten back from her grandma's less than a week ago, and, at first, she'd been nervous and scared to face her somewhat-boyfriend again, fearing that he still harbored harsh feelings due to her words at Vegas Night. Her mind slipped to their phone conversation the day she returned home. The second he picked up, his voice had been mellow, even calling her beautiful.

In that moment, she'd fallen a little more.

Every night since then, they'd delved into a pattern. She'd call, or sometimes he would call, and they'd just talk and talk, until the hour grew late. Then, he'd pick her up in his hearse, idling at the curb, and she'd lay with him until dawn crept over the Toronto skyline.

For the first few nights, he'd been talkative. She didn't mind; she loved the way he talked. His voice always grew with intensity, especially when he was talking about something he was passionate about, and his hands would move frequently in discussion, as if spelling out his points in the air.

Most entertaining was how his eyes lit up in a way she only saw one other time; when he looked at her.

However, as their late-night adventures became a pattern, he'd been quieter. Not that she minded that either, because being with him was just _comfortable_, no matter what their activity, she felt... safe. Their brand of silence wasn't bad, it just spoke the things they couldn't verbally.

"Are you okay?"

He felt like asking, she'd been quiet. To be fair, he was quiet too, but more in fear of what was to be said.

"More then that." She murmured, moving her face closer to his.

Eli caught her lower lip between his with the practiced attention of a familiar lover. Her lips were soft and pliable in a way that, though they'd been together for such a brief time, he recognized and instinctively _knew_.

His tongue slipped into her mouth and she let out a short gasp and, encouraged, his hands slipped to the soft skin of her lower back, drawing out a longer sound from her chest. The moan vibrated through their bodies, and it sparked something deep and raw inside of Eli.

It wasn't lust- let that be known. He wanted her, but he had no animalistic urge to rip the purity ring from her finger. Her innocence was part of why she was so sexy; it was the unaware naivety that set her apart from any other girl he'd ever met. He was still a guy in the end, but right now, what he was feeling, was something just plain different.

It ran deeper than that, sending shockwaves down to the tips of his toes. He pulled away from her briefly, and a quick sweep over her blue eyes gave him the assurance that whatever _this _was, she felt it too.

Suddenly a flush fell over his face, and he blurted the first words that came into his head.

"I can't say it yet."

Without elaboration, she nodded, understanding what it meant.

"I understand."

She turned to the window, running a hand through her curls, attempting to erase the effects of their night. The physical ones, at least; the emotional ones ran deeper, and she wasn't sure that any amount of neatening up could erase those. She felt a lump threatening to burst in her throat, and internally, she cursed herself for being so presumptuous.

Knowing she'd misunderstood; Eli shook his head vehemently and placed a hand on her cheek, pulling her in for a gentle, toe-curling kiss.

"It's not that. I'm just not ready. I mean." He clenched his eyes. "I feel it. But I don't want to rush. Or ruin it."

Clare's cheeks flushed, half with happiness, half with embarrassment.

"Oh." She said, still slightly confused.

"It's just..." His voice tensed. "Julia."

_Julia._ The voice was like acid in Clare's mouth. "I know." She squeezed the hand resting on her cheek. "Just know that I feel it, and I'll always feel it, but I'll wait eons for you to decide when to say it. Because you're worth it, and I'm not rushing it, and I don't expect anything more."

His eyes, which had been clenched shut, opened at her with amazement. In her ocean-blue eyes, he didn't find resentment, anger, or sadness, but truth.

_Clare wasn't lying._

The head-to-toe feeling grew deeper, and with a deep breath, he nodded.

"I feel it too. And when I'm ready, you'll be the first to know." He cocked his infamous side-smirk, his green eyes flashing with adoration.

"I better be." Her arm tightened around him, pulling herself closer to his body.

They lay like that, the silence blanketing them and forming a case around them. Eli traced patterns on the bare skin of Clare's sides, spelling out the story of a boy and a girl, and the things they could and couldn't say.

_Couldn't ,_ Eli thought. _Not wouldn't. Definitely not won't. I will Clare. Just wait._

**-x-**

_"I'm going as fast as I can, please don't make me rush,  
this feeling's coming on way too fast.  
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget...  
But I'm not ready say, "I love you" yet.  
No, I'm not ready to say "I love you" yet."_


End file.
